Chapter Text
Cradled in the hearth of the storm that was his mind, Josh saw the light that was Sam. She was gentle, spirited, kind in her own way and a persistent presence that muted the thoughts that brought forward his own darkness-- the one pulsating at the corners of his eyes and encouraged his shaky nerves to still and listen for the sound of opportunity. It didn't consume him completely, not all the time, but it's always there to remind him that he couldn't enjoy things people usually would. That it would remain for as long as he would.
"We're here for you, Josh." She replies in simple tandem, looking at him with eyes that shone with a green he'd only imagine in the European countryside. Bright, vibrant: Alive. Her hands glide along his forearms and squeeze his palms as they walk along the snow, the scent of her fear and trust discerning the trap set within his own heart. There is a sympathy in their own bond, and in another life he might've enjoyed using this cabin for purposes other than to unashamedly zip back fear into each and every one of them. To stay here, with her, and stare at the fire 'till the boiler broke and they'd both go down to fix it.
But that wasn't the case and he couldn't be sad about it.. just alternatively angry. Becoming equally vengeful for what everybody had done to his family.
.. But Sam. Always Sam. She wasn't aware of the way he held her so high but this was his choice, to get back. Hope to himself and his sisters that this was the closure he needed. The amount of self pity hadn't bubbled to the surface yet, but the regret towards his own path and the impending doom of Sam understanding what he did and what he was began haunting him the same as his insanity. She was the only one that got him so fast, the only one that understood him, it would only be a matter of time.
Josh narrowed his eyes as he watched her move across the room to admire the snow from the window, bundled up in wool and cotton as the joy of staying within his company graced her once more. They hadn't seen each other for a little while, but it felt like yesterday when she came to him to offer her words and touch as a means to numb the pain he'd been feeling. Sam was the best cuddler, and Josh felt he was never more than grateful for the times they had shared when the voices hadn't flooded his vision completely. Holding her grounded him, the depths of their admiration buried within the soil of his unsteady mind and her too sweet voice.It was cruel, and dangerous. Was this his fate? To think of her, as she pet the maws that would bite her own hand after feeding, watch as she mindlessly followed him as he called for her like second nature. Sam wasn't a provider, not in a way that supplied his oxygen, but he knew she made him feel things no one else has before. That was something maybe more important than the air he needed. She was there, and that was enough.
She was his yes, she would always be his yes.
"Sam," He started, eyes softening into a grateful gaze. She straightened up a little as he called her name in a tone that she loved. Adored even. He supressed the chuckle as she almost instantly stood at attention, her face glowing from the reflection of the fireplace a few feet away. He could be good, he could forget about the things he wanted to do to hurt the people who hurt his sisters as he just stared at her, his gaze never-ending.
"Yes, Josh?" She replied in equal affection, crossing the distance to see what he wanted, what he absolutely needed. All he needed was to see her, to talk to her and watch as her mind fell quips to the downpour of his own vulnerability. His hand reached out to take hers but instead slid for the slope of her jaw and cradled the shape of her face as he tilted her head slightly upward towards him. She was significantly shorter but if he pointed it out the blonde would hit him right where it hurt.
"Sam." He repeated in a soft sigh, dragging his thumb across the skin beside her lips.
"Josh." She copied, slightly giggling.
He smiled wide, then wider as he blinked down and watched as she shut her eyes and leaned into his palm. She breathed into his hand slightly shaky as if she had been aching for the moment he would reach for her and never let go. Sam was just all knowing that way and liked to act like she was touch starved just to get a rise out of him and it worked.. every single time. He moved closer to press a lingering kiss to her forehead, humming a pleased sound into the golden strands of her hairline as he moved up without any effort. Sweet girl Sam, his sweet girl.
Her hands came up to loosely circle around his wrists where he cradled her face, the dark haired male feeling her body lean forward to embrace him in all he was, and becoming boneless just to have his arms move down to hold her middle. Their smiles bloomed and laughs bubbled up as he teased at her playful demeanour, shattering whatever negative thought had weaved it's way into his subconscious.
Josh studied psychology and knew that everybody hid their imperfections within the complicated puzzle of their mannerisms and social identity. Perfect was non-existent and incredibly subjective to everybody that walked God's green earth but he knew, deep down, Sam was as close as there ever was to being such a thing. With her soft reassurances and heavy heart, Josh did not deserve her as she thought he did, and with the time they had left, he'd do his best to savour the sweet sorrow of their connection till the tether of its existence fell away with the pieces of his stable mind.
